Juan. Juan Pablo.

I know, I know, where have I been?! It's a little thing called life and it got in the way. Since my last post, I've been to four weddings, moved, started a new job, and oh yeah, finished my first semester of grad school. So, life's been cray, but I'm back at it, and so is Juan Pablo.

One thing is clear, Juan Pablo has a type. Bachelor Bios were released today, and let me tell you that Christmas has come early! Juan's got so many brunette babes to choose from that I'm pretty sure he'll get them confused until there are five left.

There are just oh so many glorious observations to be made about this season's ladeez, where to begin? We've got a few weeks to go until JUANuary 5th (yes, it's a two-night premiere starting on a Sunday. Set your DVRs accordingly. This has been a PSA.), so I think I'll start with some general observations and then break it down by my favorite (read: scariest, most fascinating, worst-date-ever) ladies.

This week I'll give you my top five observations from perusing the bios:

1. "Home Alone 2" (yes, the one in New York, and the better one in my opinion) and "The Notebook" are top contenders as Favorite Movies. Everyone freaking loves the Notebook. Ladies, he's no Ryan Gosling.

2. Since when are "dog lover," and "free spirit" occupations? Get a job or a dictionary.

3. Juan Pablo likes a darker-skinned, brunette girl. The Blondes don't seem to have more fun...most of their bios were a snoozefest.

4. Dr. Seuss is the favorite author of at least two ladies. Only one of them is a school teacher. The other is a news reporter. Hmmm.

5. Producers asked, "Who is your favorite artist?" on the questionnaire. Now, I'm not a huge artsy person, but I'm not sure most folks would have a genuine answer to this. Perhaps this is why everyone and their mom said Andy Warhol

I leave you all with a collage of my thoughts. And I hope you'll be back soon to find out more about Juan's chicas. Don't forget that Grantland's "Right Reasons" podcast will give us even more to chat about next week!

Girls just want to have fun

Friends, it happened, Lesley came back! Our favorite bachelor contestant from Sean's season accompanied winner, Catherine and the victimized-by-Regina George (AKA Tierra), Jackie. The ladies dished about the guys, spied on them with binoculars and asked Des all kinds of juicy questions! Clearly, this was the most fun we've had on the Bachelorette all season. Why couldn't lesley have been the bachelorette?!

So here are some recaps on what's happened since my lazy self last blogged:

• Juan Pablo went home during soccer week. SOCCERWEEK!? The pro player couldn't score with Des. Plus, he was a little too eager with the high-fives. Adios, Juan Pablo.

• BIG NEWS: Mikey T and James are here for the wrong reasons. Apparently, Drew and #Kasey overheard the two Chicago meatheads talking about what life would be like for them after the Bachelorette in the Windy City. They would take tall women out on boats for intimate settings. They basically run that town anyway. Oh good gracious! The house was a ll a-twitter about this development. Mikey T went home before Des was given the news. James remained another week.
• Drew broke the heartbreaking news about James to Des after a hot, back-against-the-wall-in-a-deserted-alley kiss. Way to kill the mood, dude! Des (and the dudes) confront James. To be fair, James was classier than most, but eventually he was sent packing.

Hometown dates are next week! We'll watch Naked Zak, Handsome Drew, Chris the other Dad, and Brooks with the Hair in their producer-created "natural" habitats. Oh, I just can't wait!

Bi-Weekly Bachelorette and Tony Danza

So I have resigned myself to the fact that this Bachelorette blog is going to be bi-weekly at best. I'm starting graduate school (plus an assistantship) soon and let's face it, this is as good as it's gonna get.

Now, let's recap some highs and lows of the past two weeks:

Brad-Brian-Ben-Brandon....one of the B guys went home because he had a "girlfriend" -- or, as far as we can determine, psychopathic bed partner--back home. She actually came ON the show. Needless to say, Des did not care to define the relationship, and she sent yet-unknown B guy packing. You never want to leave in the van of shame.

We had our first "I love you," and the poor soul was also sent packing. At least he got the limo. The limo of shame is exceedingly better than the SUV/van of shame.

Last week we also had our first failed one-on-one date. It's rough went you can't prove yourself worthy of a rose without competition. Tough cookies, dude.

The Ben drama continues--he is severely hated by the other bros. I still think he's being made out to be the villain here, but let's face it: dude's annoying.

And what would the Bachelorette be without a contest group date? A painful re-creation of the Miss USA pageant. Oy! The hair, the makeup, the heels, the...speedos? Lots of man flesh visible. Lots of bad ribbon twirling and flexing. Lots of Mikey T waxing poetic about how he's more than just a chunk of meat.

And there you have it, folks! Two weeks of Bachelorette nonsense wrapped up in a few lines. It really is that boring of a season.

BUT the BIG NEWS:

Tony Danza will be the next season's Bachelor! No official word from ABC, but the buzz is this 62-year-old Who's the Boss, tap dancing fool is going to be giving out a lot of roses in the future. I'd really hate for the Bachelor to turn into "Dancing With the Stars" (AKA Dancing With the Once Moderately Well-Known). Hopefully, more news to come!

Impressionable.

Friends, I know I'm two weeks behind. What will I do when I actually have a job AND grad school to keep me busy?! Anywho, let's catch up!

We met Des's guys. After reading about the 5 guys you don't want to be, you may note that two of them are already gone--am I good, or what? We still have Mikey T, James, and Juan Pablo in the mix. Needless to say, this is going to be an eventful season.

Des got a baby blue Bentley to drive around and we saw her new Bachelorette pad where she'll write, draw, and look longingly over the mountainous scenery pondering Zak W's abs or practice saying Juan Pablo's name without sounding incompetent.

Many of the dudes tried way too hard to make terrible impressions. Let me run down my list of the worst:

Zak W--in his promo he is consistently naked, looking out over the vast desert in which he seems to live. Also, he showed up sans shirt. Des pinned the rose to his pants.

Mike R--a dental STUDENT wore his white lab coat. Errr..Also claimed to be her "McDreamy" for the night. Clever of the producers to give Grey's the shout-out but YOU ARE NOT A DOCTOR

Larry--the REAL doctor tried to twirl and dip Des, ripped her dress, wouldn't let the fact that he ripped her dress go, and got really drunk

#Casey--spoke in #hashtags all night. #nothankyou

Diogo--arrived in a knight costume...knight in shining armor? Des thought otherwise.

And last, but certainly NOT least, we have Jonathan. Oh Jonathan, our hopes for you and your vertical leap were so high! He offers Des the fantasy suite upon arrival, and even after a gentle "not on the first night," continues to rep this room somewhere in the mansion. Totally a producer plant. Jonathan is out the door before the rose ceremony even begins. #WayToGo

Now the second episode wasn't too much to write home about. We see Ben developing into this season's Tierra--the cute kid ruse in episode one is wearing thin. Bryden brings pics of his tragic car accident along to his 1:1 date. He gets a pity rose. Soulja Boy (yeah--that one song) makes an appearance and gets the guys + Des to make a terrible rap video entitled "Right Reasons." Some poor guy has to shake his junk at Des. Some poor guys have to rap. Some poor guys have to dance. Let's be honest--no one wins in this scenario.

So, I leave you with this. A little piece of Episode two. A lot of pieces of dignity lost.

Right Reasons Rap Video

You don't want to be THAT guy

Friends, it's here. What's here? The most wonderful time of the summer: Bachelorette Time!

Now we all know The Bachelorette is second to The Bachelor, but in the steamy summer when your favorite tv shows are on hiatus and there's nothing to watch but crappy shows that are surely not going to be picked up for a second season, I choose to watch the least crappy thing on television. What's better than watching dudes fight over a lady on national television and make complete fools of themselves?

ABC released the cast bios last week and oh man, they are sure to please! I could run through each guy, but instead, I think I'll give you the top 5 guys you don't want to be (as if you'd really want to be any of them, but maybe you secretly do):

Mikey T

. 

Mikey T. hails from Glen Ellyn, IL--just up the road--and likes to rock the "deep V" t-shirt. I think Mikey T. is kind of a tool. Maybe he tries too hard to be the life of the party. When answering the question, "If you could live in any other time period, what would it be?" Mikey T. answered, "the disco era." The disco era?! Methinks Mikey T. likes to party a bit too much. Also, "hasn't read a book in many years." Des, you can do better.

Will

Cute, yes, but Will seems a little freaky. He likes to take his dates to the gym "because it tells me a lot about their work ethic and daily habits." A little creeptastic. Also answers that he wouldn't do meth for love. I mean, solid answer, but not what I'd put on an application for the Bachelorette. You don't want to be THIS guy.

Juan Pablo

Occupation: Former pro-soccer player.....so what do you do now? This guy is not so interesting really. When answering the question "What is your favorite book?" he answered, "Don't read." Is Des into non-intellectual dudes? Perhaps. He also thinks Hawaii is a city. 

Mike R.

Male model? Eek. Also, likes to take women to dive bars and have sex in public. Is this guy for real?  He's kind of scary like his picture. Guys, you don't want to be this guy. 

James

His favorite author is Dr. Seuss--which is either adorable or means he hasn't read a book since first grade. 

Maybe it's just me, but I like a man who is more than a meat-head. Perhaps Des and I have different tastes. Perhaps there's a reason why she's on a dating show and I'm in a serious relationship. Perhaps none of this matters at all.

There you have it folks, the five guys you DON"T want to be. Or date. Or marry. But only time, Desiree, and the ABC producers will tell who will win this fairytale journey.

Gettin' Crafty: Baby Shower Invites

So, I'm not the crafty type. I don't hoard buttons or save bottlecaps for the ever-elusive craft project--I'm just lazy and don't throw them out.

But, lately, I"ve gotten the crafty bug. I want to hot glue EVERYTHING! Think Paris Gellar's craft corner: 

It started with making hand-made Christmas ornaments out of scrabble tiles for my friends and family, then bachelorette party invitations. Now: baby shower invites! 

My friend Becca just found out she and her husband are expecting a baby girl in September. Having no siblings and therefore no potential nieces/nephews, I am claiming "aunt" to all of my friends' kiddos. That starts with helping throw a baby shower in June for the beautiful mama!

So, I as in the process of creating some invite on Vistaprint. Easy, cheap, cute, right? But then I got to pinning. Oh boy, Pinterest can be the devil. It can make you think you are crafty when really, you're not that crafty (I've since created a board called "Crafts I'd like to make, but let's be honest"). I saw the CUTEST baby shower invites. So stinking cute. And then I thought, I bet I could make those! So one morning, I had a few minutes to spare before work and some leftover card stock from the bachelorette invites and voila! A prototype was born.

So, I went to Archiver's to collect more scrapbook paper. Again, surprisingly, not a whole lot to choose from. But I made do and got lots of supplies. Did I tell you there were 75 ish folks invited? Yep, I got LOTS of paper.

After I made the prototype, I pulled it apart and traced the top on all of the colored paper I had. You can fit four per page whether letter size paper or 12" x 12". I bought 12" x 12" because they had more color/pattern options.

But then I was looking at the patterned paper I bought and thought: hey, I bet these would look cute if I made onesies. So again, I made a prototype and traced away.

I also designed the "invite" portion to glue on the back and a business card size insert that had registry info on it. 

All parts have been cut and are ready for assembly:

I use a plain old Elmer's Glue Stick. It works pretty great!

I had some scraps from the scrapbook paper, so to give the registry inserts a polished look, I glued them onto a larger piece of scrap.

The finished product:

You thought I was finished, right? Nope. Remember the whole 75 ish invites thing? It's still a work in progress. But I loved these too much to scrap the idea and go buy pre-made invites.

I've had tons of fun making these and I've been showing them to anyone who halfway cares. Because they are pretty cute. And relatively easy to make. I'll let you know how I feel when I've finished them all!

UP NEXT....ABC has released the cast of this season's Bachelorette! Stay tuned for an in-depth analysis of these "winners" the producers picked out for our girl Des. AND, listen to this podcast to prepare.

An Almost Finale Party

So my lady co-workers and I love Grey's Anatomy. Unfortunately, because we have a rotational on-call schedule, very rarely are we able to be free for the evening and enjoy the show together. Tonight, however, we lucked out and were all free to hang, enjoy some beverages, and watch the season finale of Grey's (or so we thought) while we're all still working together.

We divvied up the responsibilities: Lauren's bringing the Crazy Bread, Bridget's bringing the pasta salad, and I'm making a spinach salad and hosting ( a favorite past-time of mine). We also planned out the drinks. I was making a delicious, summery drink I found on Pinterest. Here's the recipe:

3 oz. Moscato (I used PINK because we like pink)
1 oz. Sparkling strawberry-flavored water (it calls for strawberry soda, but I prefer the water)
1 oz. Vanilla vodka

I should have taken it as a sign that when I got to the store, I realized one of my co-workers doesn't drink vodka (smacks hand on head) and that when I got home from the store, I realized I didn't have very much vanilla vodka (another hand to the head). Clearly, this evening was not going as planned.

But never fear, we found a drink solution, everybody brought a little something, and beverages were not an issue.

We had quite the spread!

And see that small white bowl on the bottom left corner? That's amazingly delicious yummy dip that I made from a Real Simple recipe. And guess what! It's REAL SIMPLE:

1 c. nonfat Greek yogurt

1 c. feta cheese

1/2 c. oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes

2 tbs. olive oil

Mix in a small bowl and serve with pretzel crisps OR FlipSides. YUM and really not that unhealthy. Unless you devour the whole bowl.

But anyways, onto Grey's. We settle in our seats and tune in, all a-twitter with excitement and speculation as to what the cliff-hanger will be. It's a pretty good episode. Someone gets beat up, someone gets engaged, they do an awesome brain surgery. And with 9 minutes left, we are wondering: what is going to happen?!

These people have been in hospital shootings, plane crashes, near-explosive situations--so really, WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NOW? Is Meredith going to have her baby? Is Arizona going to cheat? Will Alex go to jail?

OY! The room was buzzing with suggestions and speculations.

And then, it ended. (SPOILER ALERT) And we're like, okay, Meredith is going into labor and Arizona cheated. That's a  decent cliffhanger, but nothing compared to previous seasons.

And THEN, "Next week on the season finale of Grey's Anatomy..." WHAT?! This wasn't the finale?!

Nope. Sure wasn't. But it was fun. And we ate yummy food. And we enjoyed a night of non-work-related socializing. It was fun.

Next week, we'll tune in. Probably without the fanfare. But maybe with the dip.

Problem Being: Ready for Love

I have a problem. It's called "Ready for Love." Heard f it? You may have seen Eva Longoria promoting it on the Today Show or you may heave heard of it in the twitterverse. This show was pimped out like you wouldn't believe.

So who are our bachelors? You can watch their personal bios here. You've got Tim from the Plain White T's--a semi-cool band that is kind of a two-hit wonder, but nevertheless ladies love a musician! And then Ben, a hospital CEO who's ready to find the love of his life. And Ernesto, an "entrepreneur with a social vision"; who the heck knows what that means.

Then there are three matchmakers, Amber, Tracy, and Matthew, who have teams of ladies that are vying for one of these dudes' heart (read: celebrity--but more like DWTS celebrity). It's part Love Connection, part Bachelor, and part Survivor. Basically, it's craziness hosted by celebrity couple Bill and Giuliana Rancic.

Alas, the show with more cast members than Game of Thrones has been cancelled and moved online for the rest of the season.

But dare I say, it is still terribly fantastic?! If you find yourself with two hour and nothing to do each week, tune in to nbc.com/ready-for-love. Then I won't feel so alone.

A Bachelor Birthday

My birthday was Monday and it was very fun indeed. Who knew turning 24 would be this awesome? I came into my office which was decorated by my lovely co-workers:

My dear boyfriend made my morning bright by sending me several cute birthday messages. He even got Joakim Noah (my favorite Bulls player) to wish me a happy birthday! Okay. Maybe it wasn't for ME, but still.

We went out to lunch at one of my favorite Aurora restaurants: Jake's Bagels & Deli. Seriously, if you're ever in Aurora, IL, check it out! It's right across from the train station. Of course, Dana wanted to take me for coffee, so we headed to Starbucks for a little afternoon jolt before our staff meeting. Want to know the way to my heart? Coffee.

After my staff meeting, I headed over to my other office on campus to find my co-workers waiting with treats and a card! I work with such great people!

Then the main event: birthday dinner with the boyfriend. He came over early so I could open my presents before dinner. He'd been talking them up for a while now and was really proud of his "theme" for the gifts. First: a cute pair of nautical earrings (Second way to my heart: all things nautical) and a fun warm-weather scarf (he learned from Moneyball that a good gift for a lady is a "decorative" scarf). Second: a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. Third: a bottle of Chardonnay.

I'm sitting there trying to guess the theme. Are we going to California? A cruise? Are we going to drink so much that I'll feel like I'm on a boat? Then he explains. The wine is from Envolve Winery. This may sound familiar to those die-hard bachelor fans--yep, that's Ben's winery! And the earrings and scarf? From a litttle online shop called TheFactoryGirl.com. Remember Sean from last season's Bachelor? Remember how he is a "custom furniture maker" now? Well, it turns out he co-owns the store! How cool is that?! It's like I got a little piece of Ben AND Sean for my birthday--even though I'm more than happy with my own bachelor!

After gifts, we made our way to the Turf Room--another excellent restaurant in Aurora! Delicious food, romantic atmosphere, and yummy drinks!

It was quite a day! I felt like a princess and it was far better than any hokey "fairytale" date on the Bachelor! 

DIY Bachelorette Invites

So, my best friend is getting married in July! Naturally, I'm throwing her a bachelorette party! We're doing something a little different--going to paint pottery at this awesome place called Baked Goods in STL, grabbing dinner at a great Italian place called Gianino's, and then heading out for dancing and drinks at Jive & Wail.

While at Baked Goods, we'll be dong a personal shower and I cannot wait! Instead of just listing the bride's sizes on the invite (which I designed on Vistaprint--super easy, great price!), I thought I'd make a separate insert inspired by Pinterest.  Here's my take:

I got my supplies at Archiver's because I had a gift card. I was looking for pre-cut bras/panties or bra/panty stickers. Surprisingly, no such luck at the scrapbooking mecca. As I was on my lunch break (already running late), I had to improvise on the spot. So, I decided to make my own cutouts and get super crafty. To make 18 inserts I bought:

• 3-12" x 12" bachelorette themed, double-sided pieces of card stock
• 3-8.5" x 11" pink, raised dot pieces of card stock
• 1 Galaxy Marker in white

I cut the 12" x 12" paper into six 4" x 6" pieces. To make the bra and panty shapes, I folded a scrap piece of cardstock in half and free-handed half a bra and panty. This is not as easy as one might think--I am so not artsy. And clip art was no help! Thankfully these shapes are symmetrical so I only struggled through half the shape, knowing the other half would automatically match once cut. I think I ended up with a pretty good stencil:

I then traced eighteen of these prototypes (folded in half) along the fold of a strip of the pink paper. Then I cut them out. A lot of cutting. Are scissor hands a real thing? Like tennis elbow?

Glue each bra and panty (glue sticks work best in my experience).to a piece of the 4" x 6" paper and decorate with the galaxy marker. I wrote the sizes on the bra and panty and then decorated with some dots. Here's the finished product:

I typed up registry info and pasted it on the back too--in case someone didn't want to go the lingerie route. It's important to make guests comfortable!

If you're super crafty/techy, you could probably make a template that is printable. I encourage you to do so, but I know that each of my invites look unique and that's kind of cool!

33 days and counting

The Bachelorette starts in 33 days. Can you say, OMG I can't believe it?! Well, I am very excited it's here....soon. Because let's face it: nothing really good is on TV in the summer. Now I love the Bachelorette, but let's be honest, it's nothing close to The Bachelor--it's "The Hangover Part 2" of the franchise. You know what's coming, and it's so less interesting than the first one, but you watch anyway with just as much anticipation and ultimately more disappointment.

But if I'm going to do anything on a Monday night in June, I'll be sitting back on my red couch, sipping on a glass of vino, watching The Bachelorette (while simultaneously talking to my co-watcher Bridget, texting my boyfriend about it, and tweeting along with the likes of Jennifer Weiner--a girl can only dream to best friends with that woman!).

This season we re-visit Desiree--a girl cast off by the previous Bachelor, Sean. She's petite  sweet, and has an angry brother. I'm sure it will be mediocre television. Join me on our "journey" that will lead to a "fairy tale ending" which really means a breakup where the guy gets tons of ladies and the girl reeks of "bachelor stink." It's a fun game anyway--and a real boost of self-confidence.

COMING UP....my best friend's wedding, tips & tricks for writing your own vows, and a cute bachelorette party DIY invite!