So I have resigned myself to the fact that this Bachelorette blog is going to be bi-weekly at best. I'm starting graduate school (plus an assistantship) soon and let's face it, this is as good as it's gonna get.
Now, let's recap some highs and lows of the past two weeks:
Brad-Brian-Ben-Brandon....one of the B guys went home because he had a "girlfriend" -- or, as far as we can determine, psychopathic bed partner--back home. She actually came ON the show. Needless to say, Des did not care to define the relationship, and she sent yet-unknown B guy packing. You never want to leave in the van of shame.
We had our first "I love you," and the poor soul was also sent packing. At least he got the limo. The limo of shame is exceedingly better than the SUV/van of shame.
Last week we also had our first failed one-on-one date. It's rough went you can't prove yourself worthy of a rose without competition. Tough cookies, dude.
The Ben drama continues--he is severely hated by the other bros. I still think he's being made out to be the villain here, but let's face it: dude's annoying.
And what would the Bachelorette be without a contest group date? A painful re-creation of the Miss USA pageant. Oy! The hair, the makeup, the heels, the...speedos? Lots of man flesh visible. Lots of bad ribbon twirling and flexing. Lots of Mikey T waxing poetic about how he's more than just a chunk of meat.
And there you have it, folks! Two weeks of Bachelorette nonsense wrapped up in a few lines. It really is that boring of a season.
BUT the BIG NEWS:
Tony Danza will be the next season's Bachelor! No official word from ABC, but the buzz is this 62-year-old Who's the Boss, tap dancing fool is going to be giving out a lot of roses in the future. I'd really hate for the Bachelor to turn into "Dancing With the Stars" (AKA Dancing With the Once Moderately Well-Known). Hopefully, more news to come!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Impressionable.
Friends, I know I'm two weeks behind. What will I do when I actually have a job AND grad school to keep me busy?! Anywho, let's catch up!
We met Des's guys. After reading about the 5 guys you don't want to be, you may note that two of them are already gone--am I good, or what? We still have Mikey T, James, and Juan Pablo in the mix. Needless to say, this is going to be an eventful season.
Des got a baby blue Bentley to drive around and we saw her new Bachelorette pad where she'll write, draw, and look longingly over the mountainous scenery pondering Zak W's abs or practice saying Juan Pablo's name without sounding incompetent.
Many of the dudes tried way too hard to make terrible impressions. Let me run down my list of the worst:
Zak W--in his promo he is consistently naked, looking out over the vast desert in which he seems to live. Also, he showed up sans shirt. Des pinned the rose to his pants.
Mike R--a dental STUDENT wore his white lab coat. Errr..Also claimed to be her "McDreamy" for the night. Clever of the producers to give Grey's the shout-out but YOU ARE NOT A DOCTOR
Larry--the REAL doctor tried to twirl and dip Des, ripped her dress, wouldn't let the fact that he ripped her dress go, and got really drunk
#Casey--spoke in #hashtags all night. #nothankyou
Diogo--arrived in a knight costume...knight in shining armor? Des thought otherwise.
And last, but certainly NOT least, we have Jonathan. Oh Jonathan, our hopes for you and your vertical leap were so high! He offers Des the fantasy suite upon arrival, and even after a gentle "not on the first night," continues to rep this room somewhere in the mansion. Totally a producer plant. Jonathan is out the door before the rose ceremony even begins. #WayToGo
Now the second episode wasn't too much to write home about. We see Ben developing into this season's Tierra--the cute kid ruse in episode one is wearing thin. Bryden brings pics of his tragic car accident along to his 1:1 date. He gets a pity rose. Soulja Boy (yeah--that one song) makes an appearance and gets the guys + Des to make a terrible rap video entitled "Right Reasons." Some poor guy has to shake his junk at Des. Some poor guys have to rap. Some poor guys have to dance. Let's be honest--no one wins in this scenario.
So, I leave you with this. A little piece of Episode two. A lot of pieces of dignity lost.
We met Des's guys. After reading about the 5 guys you don't want to be, you may note that two of them are already gone--am I good, or what? We still have Mikey T, James, and Juan Pablo in the mix. Needless to say, this is going to be an eventful season.
Des got a baby blue Bentley to drive around and we saw her new Bachelorette pad where she'll write, draw, and look longingly over the mountainous scenery pondering Zak W's abs or practice saying Juan Pablo's name without sounding incompetent.
Many of the dudes tried way too hard to make terrible impressions. Let me run down my list of the worst:
Zak W--in his promo he is consistently naked, looking out over the vast desert in which he seems to live. Also, he showed up sans shirt. Des pinned the rose to his pants.
Mike R--a dental STUDENT wore his white lab coat. Errr..Also claimed to be her "McDreamy" for the night. Clever of the producers to give Grey's the shout-out but YOU ARE NOT A DOCTOR
Larry--the REAL doctor tried to twirl and dip Des, ripped her dress, wouldn't let the fact that he ripped her dress go, and got really drunk
#Casey--spoke in #hashtags all night. #nothankyou
Diogo--arrived in a knight costume...knight in shining armor? Des thought otherwise.
And last, but certainly NOT least, we have Jonathan. Oh Jonathan, our hopes for you and your vertical leap were so high! He offers Des the fantasy suite upon arrival, and even after a gentle "not on the first night," continues to rep this room somewhere in the mansion. Totally a producer plant. Jonathan is out the door before the rose ceremony even begins. #WayToGo
Now the second episode wasn't too much to write home about. We see Ben developing into this season's Tierra--the cute kid ruse in episode one is wearing thin. Bryden brings pics of his tragic car accident along to his 1:1 date. He gets a pity rose. Soulja Boy (yeah--that one song) makes an appearance and gets the guys + Des to make a terrible rap video entitled "Right Reasons." Some poor guy has to shake his junk at Des. Some poor guys have to rap. Some poor guys have to dance. Let's be honest--no one wins in this scenario.
So, I leave you with this. A little piece of Episode two. A lot of pieces of dignity lost.
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