You don't want to be THAT guy

Friends, it's here. What's here? The most wonderful time of the summer: Bachelorette Time!

Now we all know The Bachelorette is second to The Bachelor, but in the steamy summer when your favorite tv shows are on hiatus and there's nothing to watch but crappy shows that are surely not going to be picked up for a second season, I choose to watch the least crappy thing on television. What's better than watching dudes fight over a lady on national television and make complete fools of themselves?

ABC released the cast bios last week and oh man, they are sure to please! I could run through each guy, but instead, I think I'll give you the top 5 guys you don't want to be (as if you'd really want to be any of them, but maybe you secretly do):

Mikey T

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Mikey T. hails from Glen Ellyn, IL--just up the road--and likes to rock the "deep V" t-shirt. I think Mikey T. is kind of a tool. Maybe he tries too hard to be the life of the party. When answering the question, "If you could live in any other time period, what would it be?" Mikey T. answered, "the disco era." The disco era?! Methinks Mikey T. likes to party a bit too much. Also, "hasn't read a book in many years." Des, you can do better.

Will

Cute, yes, but Will seems a little freaky. He likes to take his dates to the gym "because it tells me a lot about their work ethic and daily habits." A little creeptastic. Also answers that he wouldn't do meth for love. I mean, solid answer, but not what I'd put on an application for the Bachelorette. You don't want to be THIS guy.

Juan Pablo

Occupation: Former pro-soccer player.....so what do you do now? This guy is not so interesting really. When answering the question "What is your favorite book?" he answered, "Don't read." Is Des into non-intellectual dudes? Perhaps. He also thinks Hawaii is a city. 

Mike R.

Male model? Eek. Also, likes to take women to dive bars and have sex in public. Is this guy for real?  He's kind of scary like his picture. Guys, you don't want to be this guy. 

James

His favorite author is Dr. Seuss--which is either adorable or means he hasn't read a book since first grade. 

Maybe it's just me, but I like a man who is more than a meat-head. Perhaps Des and I have different tastes. Perhaps there's a reason why she's on a dating show and I'm in a serious relationship. Perhaps none of this matters at all.

There you have it folks, the five guys you DON"T want to be. Or date. Or marry. But only time, Desiree, and the ABC producers will tell who will win this fairytale journey.